Feline Liberation, Extermination Army Strategy (F.L.E.A.S.)

I read this post by a guy who rants about his cat’s incessant meowing.  He paints quite a picture and then I realize, this could be my wife’s cat.  I’d claim the little guy as my own, but he nearly outweighs me.  The signs are pointing to a cat conspiracy.

For us it begins at 2:30 in the morning.  We make sure he has water and food each night before going to bed ourselves, but still he cries.  It’s unsettling, too, how often he is standing in the middle of the hallway when I round the corner.  As if he was waiting.  I’ll be honest, sometimes I worry.

I’m convinced he’s smarter than I am.  He meows while I sit at my desk and write.  He wants out, so I let him out.  Five minutes later he wants in.  I’m not completely positive, but I think there is a tone to his cries…like laughter.  It’s like I’m the pet and he’s the owner.  I dunno.

I think the dog might be on to his scheme.  She’s constantly trying to pounce on him.  Bite him.  She chases him down the hallway.  I’ve never seen the tubby Tabby move so fast.  Maybe it’s an act.  Maybe they’re training.  Nahhh…she’s man’s best friend.  Right?


I often lie in bed and read.  Without fail, the cat climbs onto my chest and pushes the book out of the way.  It was cute at first.  Now I see the signs.  They don’t want us to be educated.  But that’s not stopping them.

I have found cat hair on my chair, the keyboard’s warm, a web browser is minimized.  Is it possible they communicate via Twitter?  Ironic…

Beware their cunning indifference.  I’ve walked outside to the driveway and on occasion found three standing together in a huddle.  Plotting.  They’re up to something.

The felines have…wait….

….shuuuuusssshhhhh…quiet.  He’s coming down the hall…….I gotta go.

19 thoughts on “Feline Liberation, Extermination Army Strategy (F.L.E.A.S.)”

  1. Oh Greg, this is amazing. Thanks so much…now I know why I´ve always cat hair on my keyboard.
    Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    1. I know, right? The conspiracies are piling up. This one might be real, though. My cats aren’t Mayan, wear the same color Nikes or drink Kool-Aid, but I really think there’s something going on…

      Thanks…I’m really glad you liked it!!!

  2. oh Greg – you are just so good! Anyone that has ever loved or had a cat should read this. 🙂

  3. Having had many felines throughout the years and currently having two, I have to agree with you on all points. Cats are mysterious, clever, indifferent creatures who are defintely the ones “in charge”. My one cat’s favorite pasttime is to wait until you walk by her, then quickly run in front of you so that you almost trip. I swear I can see her smile as I almost stumble. As much as they sometimes annoy me, I cannot imagine life without a feline. Well done, Greg, once again!

  4. Ahh we have 5…..and I can tell who is who in the dark just by their MEOWS. Loved it and I did read this because you said “anyone who has loved or had a cat should read this” Ha and thanks!

  5. Greg, had a kitten for a month 39 years ago. Found out hubby was allergic to him. I think the conspiracy started years ago. He would only play with his bells at night. Would always sit on our books when we were trying to study. He was not allowed on the furniture, but we would see him sitting on the back of the sofa when we came home. Of course, he met us at the door with an innocent look on his face, like “that wasn’t me you saw. I’ve been waiting here the whole time you were gone.” I think he was trying to play with our minds.

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