The Force is With You, Young Skywalker, But You Are Not a Jedi Yet

I just realized that I’m Darth Vader.

Well, I will be at some point.  So now I know my fate.  I’ll get into a lightsaber fight with my best friend on a planet of molten lava because the Dark Lord told me to wipe out all of the Muggles.

No, wait…That’s not right.  Muggles?

That’s Harry Potter.  But a Dark Lord told me to do it.  Sidious?  Or was that Lord Vol…er, I mean..He Who Cannot Be Named?

I’m so confused.  What was I talking about?  Oh, right.  I’m a wizard, able to move things with the Force, and wear glasses.

…and a shiny black helmet.

Hmmm, I think I’m getting my stories mixed up.

So lemme think.  I’m the chosen one.  The One.  Which means I’m supposed to save the planet from the machines, right?  But I am a machine.  No, wait…I’m STUCK in a machine.  Yeah, that’s right…a Matrix.

What the heck is a Matrix?  Is that anything like a Grid?  Do they have fancy Light Cycles?  Or programs and users?  Which one am I?  Am I both…a peruser?  Ha ha ha…ahem.

Where was I?

Right.  The machines.  One is here from the future to kill me because I am the leader of The Resistance.  The One.  John Conner…no, no, no, no, NO!

My name’s not John.

My name is Vader…

Sidebar – This conversation happened in my head, in fifteen seconds, after seeing a picture of my awesome haircut as a child.  I typed it all on the computer without touching the keys. I have always known that I had supernatural powers, but this ‘do’ confirms I am strong with The Force.  Who are you to question my place in the universe? I am your Father…