I just realized that I’m Darth Vader.
Well, I will be at some point. So now I know my fate. I’ll get into a lightsaber fight with my best friend on a planet of molten lava because the Dark Lord told me to wipe out all of the Muggles.
No, wait…That’s not right. Muggles?
That’s Harry Potter. But a Dark Lord told me to do it. Sidious? Or was that Lord Vol…er, I mean..He Who Cannot Be Named?
I’m so confused. What was I talking about? Oh, right. I’m a wizard, able to move things with the Force, and wear glasses.
…and a shiny black helmet.
Hmmm, I think I’m getting my stories mixed up.
So lemme think. I’m the chosen one. The One. Which means I’m supposed to save the planet from the machines, right? But I am a machine. No, wait…I’m STUCK in a machine. Yeah, that’s right…a Matrix.
What the heck is a Matrix? Is that anything like a Grid? Do they have fancy Light Cycles? Or programs and users? Which one am I? Am I both…a peruser? Ha ha ha…ahem.
Where was I?
Right. The machines. One is here from the future to kill me because I am the leader of The Resistance. The One. John Conner…no, no, no, no, NO!
My name’s not John.
My name is Vader…
Sidebar – This conversation happened in my head, in fifteen seconds, after seeing a picture of my awesome haircut as a child. I typed it all on the computer without touching the keys. I have always known that I had supernatural powers, but this ‘do’ confirms I am strong with The Force. Who are you to question my place in the universe? I am your Father…